All my 'Merican bros and hos out there, do you guys realize that by this time next year we're going to be tit deep in the stinky perverted, mud-slinging, political swamp that is our Presidential race? Oh, what times we'll have.... but until then, it's fun to speculate and discuss who has the balls to be the President.
First, lets discuss the GOP candidates. Clusterfuck would be a word to describe it. But, when you trim the fat from the stampede of GOP potential candidates, only two names really stick out to me. Michelle Bachmann and Mitt "the Clit" Romney. Both potential candidates represent two sides of the same coin.
Bachmann is, of course, the Tea Party sweet heart, the angry outsider, the "family values" conservative who wants to shrink government just enough so it can fit inside a woman's uterus to stop an abortion. I find it quite ironic that the strongest female candidate this season wants to actually roll women's rights back to before Roe vs. Wade and has boasted in public that in her private life she is almost completely subservient to her husband. Oh, and she's also against abortion in the case of rape, incest, and endangerment to the life of the mother. I wont mention the fact that she is against against any kind of government spending.... unless, of course, that spending takes the form of $260,000 in government subsidies to her farm or government subsidies to her husband's "Pray the Gay Away" clinic, then she's a-ok with that spending. And while we're on the subject of her husband... I guess I'd like to see the first gay man in the White House if they win. Make no bones about it, Marcus Bachmann is gay. Gay gay gay gay gay. Gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys. Gayer than a penis fountain that sprays glitter, confetti, and a bold yet subtle vintage 2004 Shiraz. Gayer than a bowl cut on a woman. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Now, I wouldn't really care if he was any average Joe. If he wants to stay in the closet, I can respect and, even in some cases, support it. We live in a world where on the other side of the planet gay men and women are being executed because of the way they were born, so it's ok to stay in the closet in this day and age until you are personally ready to come out, imo. Buuuuuuuuuuuut, if you are in the closet, it's not ok to cast gays as villains and "barbarians" and even condone bullying of gay teens, I draw the line there. It's very clear that Marcus Bachmann is gay... and I'm not just saying that because he is very fey and femmie. I can't stand that stereotype of the feminine gay man. I'm saying that because we've all seen this movie before. It's the movie where the crazy-anti-gay-religious-nut-is-actually-taking-it-in-the-butt-while-publicly-calling-homosexuality-a-sin-and-a-abomination and we all know how it ends... with a mouthful of bullshit and jizzum.
Then we have Mitt Romney who stands for... ummmmm, who exactly? He tends to tailor his opinions to whoever he is standing next to at the time, to make himself seem like a sensible moderate man. However, he believes the rich need the "leash of government" removed so they can run wild and create jobs everywhere. How shall the rich be unleashed? Why, through tax cuts and dipping into the social security fund. Besides, social security is a huge part of the budget anyway. Hmmm? Whats that? Social Security isn't actually part of the yearly budget? It's actually its own separate entity that is paid into by the payroll tax, a separate tax from the rest of federal and state taxes? Whats that? It's actually illegal for that fun to get dipped into? Whatever, when has a President since... well, Nixon, given a fuck about the law. Yenywho, he believes that the rich are the job creators... which fact and reality actually would have to disagree with that. You see, the CEOs of this country have actually been cutting jobs and sending them overseas. Yeah, the rich create a shitload of jobs... just not in America. Herman Cain said we need to end unions to make America more attractive to business owners. I don't know about you, but I kinda like not being paid 18 cents an hour, not only receiving the privilege of a bathroom break after three years of work, and having weekends. That's kinda what makes America great. Hey, here's an idea! How about any "American" business that doesn't pay taxes and has an offshore tax haven to avoid doing so loses any and all fat ass government contracts and subsidies! But that'd be a sensible (and historically proven) method for going towards the solution of our problem, so of course Mitt Romney is against it because... why? Because he's getting paid to think that.
There on the Democratic side we have Obama, who is more disappointing than anything George Lucas has touched in the past decade or so. Obama is the king of compromise... and by compromise I mean he not only gives the Republicans in the House everything they want, but actually gives them more than they bargained for. Why? Well, our president is a moderate, don't ya know, and if there is one thing the people love it's a moderate man. Oh, except for the majority of the country that actually voted for Obama based on the most liberal and progressive campaign since JFK ran against Nixon. But, Obama doesn't actually give a shit about his base. He never really did... unless he needs them. So, expect a lot a of pretty speeches with no substance to follow this season from Obama. In terms of foreign and most of his domestic policy, he's basically George W. Bush with a dark tan. Prove me wrong. Now, the only saving grace is that he is more of social liberal than either of the leading GOP candidates. DADT repeal was a big win, health care legislation (although weak and half assed) was a big win, the stimulus (also half-assed and riddled with bullshit compromise) was a big win. The CBO says it saved 3 million jobs and counting. However... I can't really point to anything else the President nailed. Osama Bin Laden I guess... but that was kind of over shadowed by the fact that we are now currently bombing, what, five countries? Don't forget, he won the peace prize ya know. Also, don't forget he caved on tax cuts. Don't forget he caved on civilian trials for 9/11 planners. Don't forget he caved on climate change legislation. Don't forget he caved on the budget plan. Don't forget he is currently caving on financial reform. Don't forget he caved on almost everything.
If there is one thing Americans love, it's a strong leader. I don't see one running this time.
Ah, well, that was fun to get off my chest while I lie here sick in bed. Yenywho, that's just how I feel in a few short paragraphs. My arguments are a little more nuanced than that, and I'm probably more than a little misinformed... but that's what makes forums so fun, the debate! So, what do y'all think about the campaign that's going to be here and gone before we know it!
*click* Get yer ass over to the GH chat! *click*
[+=..]OLD SCHOOL PRIDE(+--::)
Last edited by Danimal Collective on Mon Nov 28, 2011 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.