Circle Jerk Friday: ViewtifulGeo

Shady-Lurker · **Posted:** Fri Jul 01, 2011 12:00 pm

ViewtifulGeo wrote:

Nicknames: From my family: T4, Geoghegan, Geoghegansito, Goog, Googy, Valentin,
Nicolas, come mierda. (Origins: Various variations of my name, mistaking me for my uncle, or the dog that died the year I was born, and a Spanish insult.)

From friends: none ever stuck, but I have been called a "motherfucking bastard" a hell of a lot.

Online Aliases: Wifflecat, Viewtiful Geo, (& Years ago: Chibicrown, chibiwasabi, GeomanX, a bunch of names from Chrono Trigger back in the early 90s)

Age: 29

Gender: Male

Location: Rockville, MD

Occupation: Unemployed (AGAIN) and wannabe video game producer.

Area of Expertise: Tracking down info, finding things, map grid memorization, solving problems in ways people don't expect them to be solved. If being an 80s PI stereotype could actually work in real life, I'd be golden.

Hobbies: Video Games, politics, fixing shit when it goes wrong, puzzles, manga/anime/comics, wandering around.

Favorite Quote: "I don't know you! I have no idea what crazy shit you're going to do next. Just when I think I have a handle on it, you do something so insane, that not a single thing from all your years is a prediction." ---Mom. (I love you too)

Favorite Food: Ropa Vieja with congri, a side salad (light olive oil/salt) and homemade flan.

Favorite kind of music: Anything, from any genre, that gets the blood pumping. (Whiny crap or sappy songs about the lead singer's ex-girlfriend get smashed to bits)

Favorite Book: Books piss me off, but if I had to read anything, it would be the collected works of Aristophanes.

Favorite Movie: Kill Bill 1+2. (Only movie to ever make me feel in my SOUL, someone had to die. Wasn't until the second movie...I'll let people guess the moment.)

Favorite Game(s): Viewtiful Joe, Mega Man Series, Ratchet and Clank series. UN Squadron and it's spiritual successor Carrier Air Wing, Chrono Trigger, Gradius, and various Mario and Sonic games. If it involves a good pace, and skimps on cutscenes/story, I tend to like it.

Favorite Website: live.twit.tv You'll learn more in 10 minutes than anywhere else about a variety of topics, and get clued into what's really going on in tech. Other guilty pleasures include cracked (history major) newgrounds (all the awesome flash XBL/PSN titles...have a freaking nexus) I also scan headlines on various political websites.

Most frightened of: A modern equivalent of the destruction of the ancient Library of Alexandria.

Most Embarrassing Moment: While not paying attention to a conversation, (when the topic drifted from sex) I blurted out "Oh, I have no idea, I'm a Virgin."

Happiest Moment: The one I'm in right now. The rest are dead and buried by time. Also, the future and the past can go and engage in the lamest 69 in History)

A Vivid Childhood Memory: 2 that cemented the kind of person I'd become once in 1st and once in 2nd grade.

1st Grade: We had an assignment to say why we were special. I refused. The priest thought I was depressed and had no self esteem. I stayed in all recess, and finally revealed my reluctance was because I didn't want to tell an authority figure he was wrong to give out that assignment.

2nd grade: I posted the full story a long time ago, but the summary is this: A class bully wanted to create a club where everyone did what he said. I refused to "eat mud." I created my own club. Next recess, he ordered everyone to kick my ass. I fought back. I got detention because the dumb bitch teacher believed the class "cry on cue" kid. (I lost my reluctance to ever tell people in charge they were wrong soon after)

Your "good deed" of the century: I may be arrogant, but I'm not that arrogant. If I do a good deed, it's because it's gotta get done.

Guilty Pleasure(s): Pornographic humor. Cute things. Scotch.

If you had 1 wish, what would it be and why?: I'm not going to waste wishes on things humanity can and SHOULD solve. So I'll waste it on giving all women the ability to change the size of their breasts at will.

When refilling your toilet paper, do you prefer it over or under?: People bother to do that?

Would be voted "Most Likely to...": Become Pope or the Antichrist. (Actual clamins in elementary school. My lame superlative in high school was "Class Video Gamer." Though on the senior year front page the question was asked "Does anybody EVER know what Tom Geoghegan is doing?"

What color are most of your socks?: Black.

What would be the title of a tell-all book about you?: "We finally got the bastard."

What do you spend too much time doing?: Arguing and Thinking.

Most treasured possession: As of right now? My gametes.

What's always on your grocery list?: Milk.

The thing you like best about yourself: This n' that.

The thing you like least about yourself: Motherfucking joint pain.

What should never be discussed in polite company (if anything)?: Remember what the Kurgan said to the Highlander in the Church. Yeah, anything like that.

Favorite hero (Fictional or Factual): I don't have any.

Favorite villain (Fictional or Factual): Villains are spoiled little brats.

Favorite forum thread at Thegameheroes.com, this very moment: The crybaby Ralph one, really hit the imaginations of the GH crew.

If you were to have a plate in your head, which metal would you choose and why?: Whichever one will still let me get an MRI.

Cake or pie?: Pie

What was your first console?: NES

Your first game for that first console?: SMB/Duck Hunt (GRAY zapper)

Nerdiest moment: I got a $10 dollar bill from 1933, and showed it off at a campaign office to people saying "so?" Friggin scientists...

If you were a superhero/villain, which member of the forum would you choose to be your sidekick/henchman, or vise versa?: Anyone plucky enough to prove they're up to the task of being my sidekick would get it. I'm more "Year One" these days anyway.

If you were playing a tabletop RPG, who would you pick to be your DM?: I have never, in my life, played a tabletop RPG. I couldn't make it past the creation phase where I fell asleep while trying to do stats.

If you were one of Dr. Wily's Master Robots, which one would you be and why?: I'm such a damn Mega Man nerd, That I know, technically, I can't pick any robots from MM1, 4,6, 9 and 10. (or from mm+B) Shadow Man. He looks human enough to wander around aimlessly if he needs to, and has all the skills of a friggin ninja. Plus his weakness is so damn annoying to pull off, it's not even halfway funny.

Any final thoughts before this wraps up?: Bacon is awesome. There is a dessert called Tocino del Cielo. "Bacon from heaven." Think about how awesome it must be if you've never had it.

MOAR FAVORITES

Favorite booze: Scotch.

Favorite console: Tie SNES and PS2

Favorite comic: Deadpool

Favorite anime: I know it's fucking cliche, but Cowboy Bebop is STILL motherfuckin' awesome. Only show I've ever watched that made me cry.

Favorite manga: Cromartie High School and Yotsuba&

Favorite character: Goku... I love how damn happy that dude is. I wish I could be a fraction of his joy and work ethic.

Favorite dance: Any one that a woman does seductively.

Favorite forum: Considering how much time I spend here...this one!

Favorite member: Psycho Gorilla, just for teaching me how awesome classic DK was.

Favorite song: Welcome to the Jungle

Favorite band: Not any bands, But Bear McCreary and Yoko Kanno make music that hits my soul at every angle.

Favorite podcast: Tell 'Em Steve Dave. I love salty people.

Favorite salutation: Hey man, howsit going? (followed by 'zup and yooooooooo)

Favorite (forum) rank: Daxter "I miss pants" ---I never wanted to leave that rank.

Favorite skank: Hate skanks, prefer the "evil cunt" variety: if Christina Hendricks played the Baroness from GI JOE, I'd be a happy, happy man.

Favorite bank: Snoopy piggy bank from my grandmother.

Favorite tank: Shagohod

Favorite wank: Score Magazine

Favorite yank: Dead- Tie: Teddy Roosevelt and Fred Rogers Living- Leo Laporte, one of the last few honest people broadcasting/netcasting today.

Favorite Hank: Hank Aaron... don't know why. I've never followed sports. Just first Hank that came to mind

Any last words to wrap up this abomination of a member spotlight?
http://www.splicd.com/CtgA-FWu_10/88/92

Don't forget to ask ViewtifulGeo any additional questions you may have here in the thread!
Or to sign up for your own Circle Jerk here if you haven't already!

The Red Clover · **Posted:** Fri Jul 01, 2011 4:20 pm

How far have you gotten with the video game producer thing?

If you could live in any video game world, what would it be?

oneshotfinch · **Posted:** Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:41 pm

How do I get rid of this stomach ache I'm having?

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

The Red Clover wrote:

How far have you gotten with the video game producer thing?

If you could live in any video game world, what would it be?

Right now, my friends and I are scouting locations, reading books on symbolism, and piecing together the plot. We realize now the plot will be dependent on the puzzles we create that will hopefully not make the player want to kill us. We want three "Levels" with subchapters, each focusing on a different goal.

We have two competing ideas that we both REALLY want to do. The first is a horror game that's a send up of all the early 90s horror games, loaded with wrongness and bad special effects (A mix of the 9th gate with Phantasmagoria). The second would be about a 1940s private eye who made a name for himself debunking "metaphysical malarkey" being thrust into several actual paranormal encounters. (Think a mix of dimestore PI novel and Kolchak: the night stalker.)

Right now it's a matter of "which one is more expensive?" As our budget is zero, and we're wondering if we should start a kickstarter, but before that we want to make some samplers to let people know they aren't flushing their money down the drain.

The real lesson is that, as a film, and a game, the plot is driven by both. I could write a fantastic script, but without plotting out all the puzzles needed to get from point "A" to "B" to eventually "Z" Just from a script standpoint the plot that's a send up of 90s fmv games doesn't need a cohesive plot, as long as we get the silliness and stupidity. The real challenge is the PI story. The good news is that unlike LA Noire, we won't need an interrogation system. So we have more freedom to go places and be sneakier with conversations.

As it stands we have 30% of the plot mapped out in terms of story, but not puzzles. Since we spend a lot of time scouting, it shouldn't be later than fall when we decide to film. Our goal is to have a working build of the game's 1st "ACT" by January.

Spoiler

*****************************************************************

If I could live in any video game world, it would be God hand, I want to go out for drinks with Elvis, maybe get him interested in a REAL woman, and not that cockteasing chihuahua magic bitch.

Close runner ups would be any universe with awesome fighter jets/giant mechs from any and all schmups.

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

oneshotfinch wrote:

How do I get rid of this stomach ache I'm having?

If eating, farting and/or shitting don't work, see a doctor to find out if you got some kind of food intolerance, or an ulcer. If the pain's in your lower right quadrant, see a doctor NOW.

Mr Black · **Posted:** Mon Jul 04, 2011 10:51 am

Don't you hate pants?

Glad to see a fellow scotch drinker on the forums. What's your your favorite brand?

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

Inside my own home, I never wear pants, but outside, I revel in in them. Mainly because my nation's founder's thought it would be great idea to drain a swamp and make it our seat of the federal government. They just forgot to tell THE FUCKING MOSQUITOS.

Also FUCK Levi's 501 jeans. For some reason, they took women's jeans and told men to wear them. I have these two things named Lefty and Charles, they hold half my future spawn. I value their continued existence, and those damn jeans are a threat to my genes.

As for scotch. I wasn't raised by alcohol snobs. I've never had a favorite brand, just a preference toward liquor that reminds me I'm drinking LIQUOR... it isn't meant to taste like ice cream and candy. I learned to appreciate it because of my grandfather, who would drink Johnny Walker Red, while watching Univision news and reading the paper. He picked up scotch because of his Tia Rosa. A woman who would refer to him as "the kid" and even outlived him. Even at the age of 105, she still had friends wily enough to hide a bottle where people in the nursing home couldn't find it.

To me, scotch is a drink for old friends, good people, and because, sometimes, I hate my face. There's also the nice "burn" that goes down your throat to remind to to man up and take no bullshit, even from yourself.

Mr Black · **Posted:** Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:11 pm

That was by far the best explanation for drinking scotch ever! But may I make a recommendation: Get yourself a bottle of Jameson's. It's expensive but god... is it ever good.

Danimal Collective · **Posted:** Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:35 pm

I want to make a video game adaptation of Maid in Manhattan called "Maid in Manhattan: Full Blown mAIDS," would you help me produce it?

The Red Clover · **Posted:** Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:00 pm

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

Danimal Collective wrote:

I want to make a video game adaptation of Maid in Manhattan called "Maid in Manhattan: Full Blown Maids," would you help me produce it?

If people are blowing maids, it must mean those chicks have dicks, and not everybody can deal with seeing fake tits and dongs on the same person unless we're in Thailand, and maybe the Saudi upper class.

...but if it's about drug use and sales among maids in the 80s, or an action movie type of game with maids acting as hitwomen, then that would be awesome. Nothing sells violence more than Latina women. Seriously.

Sure, why not? Yakuza girly maids vs. husky Latina maids trying to earn in a shitty economy? Maybe have a hot young Latina maid who's in the mix and she's at a costume party dressed as a nun, and one of the Yakuza ones is dressed as a miko, and BAM! Lesbian sex scene, with a hint of cross cultural blasphemy!

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

The Red Clover wrote:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

No clue, these French-sounding guys came by in a canoe, and collected them all from steel traps. I asked them, but the only words they knew in English were commerce related. I think they may have called me gay or something, but I didn't press the matter, they all looked like Jean Reno's swarthier older brothers, and I'm getting too old for that kind of shit anyways.

I did haggle a little because one of the critters only got his leg caught. It was infected, though, and had to get amputated. By the looks of it, they got his wife and kids, but fate let him live. Poor guy went through hell, so I got the neighbor to whittle him a replacement, and asked if he wanted some training. A few of my friends did Marine Boot Camp and could swing by to teach the little fucker some skills. This time next year, I'm guessing he's going all Arnie in Predator on those motherfuckers, since I caught him doing war chants when he got into my liquor cabinet. Chucking wood? Naw man, he'll be slinging lead in the name of his family, and possibly praying to Woodchuck Jesus, Allah, Vishnu, or whatever the fuck they have. I don't know.

Anyway, got a hell of a deal on a hat and a rug or two. Gotta give the fucker some fire in his eyes.

The Red Clover · **Posted:** Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:30 pm

ViewtifulGeo wrote:

The Red Clover wrote:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

No clue, these French-sounding guys came by in a canoe, and collected them all from steel traps. I asked them, but the only words they knew in English were commerce related. I think they may have called me gay or something, but I didn't press the matter, they all looked like Jean Reno's swarthier older brothers, and I'm getting too old for that kind of shit anyways.

I did haggle a little because one of the critters only got his leg caught. It was infected, though, and had to get amputated. By the looks of it, they got his wife and kids, but fate let him live. Poor guy went through hell, so I got the neighbor to whittle him a replacement, and asked if he wanted some training. A few of my friends did Marine Boot Camp and could swing by to teach the little fucker some skills. This time next year, I'm guessing he's going all Arnie in Predator on those motherfuckers, since I caught him doing war chants when he got into my liquor cabinet. Chucking wood? Naw man, he'll be slinging lead in the name of his family, and possibly praying to Woodchuck Jesus, Allah, Vishnu, or whatever the fuck they have. I don't know.

Anyway, got a hell of a deal on a hat and a rug or two. Gotta give the fucker some fire in his eyes.

That's the best answer to this question that I have ever seen.

The Bastard Gamer · **Posted:** Tue Jul 05, 2011 10:01 am

Do you like the Neo Geo? If so why not name yourself "ViewtifulNeoGeo"?

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

Olly wrote:

Do you like the Neo Geo? If so why not name yourself "ViewtifulNeoGeo"?

199X, I'm reading a gamepro, when I happen upon an ad for NeoGeo. It mentioned all it's crazy specs, and had used the marketing strategy of calling itself the "big dog" by using a picture of other systems as a plain hot dog, while the Neo Geo was a fully loaded Ball Park Frank. How did they USE all that technology? Making nothing but fighter games and Metal Slug, and being priced so ridiculously, you'd need to be rich to afford it. ($100-300 per cartridge)

But if you want a solid idea of what a battle royale between Genesis, SNES, and NeoGeo would look like?

NeoGeo: http://www.gamefaqs.com/neo/list-999?region=1

SNES: http://www.gamefaqs.com/snes/list-999?region=1

Genesis: http://www.gamefaqs.com/genesis/list-999?region=1

By the time they got around to making a tediously slow CD console with reasonably priced games, they were long dead. Everyone said things like "hey remember Neo Geo?" In the late 90s (as opposed to the early 90s when everyone was like "What the fuck's a NeoGeo?" Hell I knew 3 guys with TG-16s, but never heard of anyone having a NeoGeo back then.)

Just imagine having to fight against two guys who may be smaller than you, but they are martial arts masters, kicking your ass to kingdom come despite your obviously stronger physique, then out of NOWHERE the running of the bulls hits you all and it says "SONY" on each one of them. I mean, for guys whose catalog was like 75% fighter games, they sure got their asses kicked by everyone and their mother.

***************************
Now as for if I LIKE the thing? When did I ever get the chance to play one? It might as well have been vaporware compared to the competition, and yet I know SNK made good games. (Metal Slug Owns) If they had just put more R&D into games, they could have been into all kinds of genres.

As for changing my name? Not yet, though it is getting long in the tooth, and everyone, with no malice intended misread it a lot as ViewtifulJoe.

Mr Black · **Posted:** Wed Jul 06, 2011 7:33 am

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

Mr Black wrote:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I'd walk into the 7-11, plunk down the cash and go on my merry way. It's not like some guy is asking me what I'd to to be in a 3 way with Christina Hendricks and Sophia Vergara.

*Picks up newspaper*

AD AGENCY BUYS UP ALL KLONDIKE BARS in DC metro Area for "What would you do?" promotion.

*5 hours later, a van loaded with mercenaries is speeding through Adams Morgan.*

Gentleman, you know in the past I haven't been one for speeches before these things, so I've asked our mission briefing to be done by Tommy Lee Jones. Take it away, sir:

You may know me from films where I play a hardass, a sheriff, or a hardassed sheriff, today I'm here in a capacity I am most familiar with, I'm here to rally your asses and get you centered on the task at hand. First, off keep in mind the enemy: the dumbest PR hipster potheads since those fuckwits that wasted the Boston PD's time with those Adult Swim electronic signs. How those self interested chickenshits thought anyone over 30 would get their stunt is beyond me.

Anyway, this isn't about those possible trustafarians, it's about these morons. Do not engage them in conversations, for they will be glib, snarky, and possibly get you mad enough to shoot them. Now let me be clear, Do not, DO NOT, under any circumstances kill any one of these people. Lethal force has not been authorized, and if any one of you goes off the goddamn reservation, Mr. Cole over here will not hesitate to make your head and your shoulders farther apart than the personal lives of two married Manhattan narcissists.

Now are there any questions?

*five hands shoot up*

Good! Now that we're all on the same page, here's the rest of our playbook. You will approach the douchebags with fake Buddy Holly glasses and a microphone trying to be "ironic" by bringing back this stupid commercial. You will proceed to punch them with such force that their glasses, coffee cup, mic, and the hopefully the Klondike bar in question are floating in the air like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. You are free to say whatever the hell you want, one liners, trash talk, hell, curse in Latin for all I care. Just take care of the film crew, and we'll tie them up with a nice conversation. Feel free to take a bite or two from the Klondike bar if you are so inclined, I don't give a fuck. just don't doddle. There's about several "teams" of these idiots out there, so we may not get time to eat.

Now, the idea is we persuade these people to tell us where the stash is, so we can restock the area. If we're good, we'll be done by 3:00.

Also, let me state, unequivocally, you may not kill anyone, not even their yip-yappy dogs. No pulling that "I didn't know you could die from a bullet to the femoral artery" shit, either... we ain't got time for mistakes. Go in, raise Cain, put the fear of God into some punks, and get people back their chocolate covered vanilla ice cream treats before the end of the work day.

Let's do this. Godspeed and kick ass.

*Mr. Jones sits down as the van comes to a stop. The doors fly open and the op begins. I go over and put my hand on Tommy Lee's shoulder.*

"You did a hell of a job."

"Son, first off, get your hand off my shoulder."

*hand darts back*

"Second, you're lucky I owe Robert Duval favor and he eats those things by the truckload, otherwise you'd be out 10,000 dollars. Now if you excuse me, I'm getting my morning paper, coffee, and a muffin. You can do me the express favor of staying the hell away from me as I enjoy what's left of this morning."

oneshotfinch · **Posted:** Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:47 am

Why aren't I a Sidekick yet?

ViewtifulGeo · **Joined:** Tue May 27, 2008 6:48 pm **Posts:** 1489

oneshotfinch wrote:

Why aren't I a Sidekick yet?

Delayed gratification.

Well, anyway, this was fun. I should do stuff like this more often.

Circle Jerk Friday: ViewtifulGeo

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