Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
(Of course since he's lost an electron he's a proton now)

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

-or alternatively-

SUBATOMIC PARTICLE STORE
The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.
Electrons: $0.10
Protons : $0.10
Neutrons : free of charge

Q: Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
A: It was polar.

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Q: What do you do when you find a dead chemist?
A: Barium.

One day you find yourself lost.
You see x walking around and make a talk about the weather. After a while, x² and e^x join you. The conversation moves to more small talk when suddenly 1 comes running by. "The differential operator is coming!" he screams. x and x² look around nervously and tell you that they have to split.
"What's that all about?" you ask e^x. "Oh, that's the diff. operator d/dx, when he gets close he has to act. For 1 it's especially nasty since he will completely vanish and also for x and x² it's quite irritating." he says. "To me it doesn't matter, however, since I will transform into my old self again.".
And with a "poof" he suddenly vanishes. You here a soft noise behind you and you turn around. "Hi," says the diff. operator, "I'm d/dy."

Insert Uranus joke

RE: Einstein
I understand there was another atom in that bar, but he had to split.
Must have gone fission.

Geissler!?! I barely knew her!!

Q: What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty Therapist?
A: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's Constant as a foundation, whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor

-or alternatively-

Q: What's the difference between Max Factor and Quantum Theorist?
A: Max Factor has models that work.

Hey Edison, yo momma is so dumb, she thinks "AC" is what "a boat" sails on!

Hey Tesla, yo momma is so dum-

*sizzle*

Did you hear about the guy who wanted his windows cleaned? He had Bose-Einstien condensation

So this guy walks into a bar....

I forget the rest but it ends with me screwing my cousin.

Q: What did one photon say to the other photon?
A: I'm sick and tired of your interference.

Q - What did the field range say to the field intensity?
A - You're such an inverse square.

Vat did ze atom say to ze-.... vait, Mein Fuhrer!!! I can valk!!

Hey! Did you guys hear the one about my cat?



I'm so LOLsauce!

I'm a cunning-linguist.

Are those space pants? cause your ass is out of this world!

Go ahead, try to make a joke about the Feynman Diagram... I dare ya

Richard Feynman walks into a bar. He walks back out with every woman that was present

Why won't Heisenbergs' operators live in the suburbs?
They don't commute

I was pulled over by a cop. He asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I replied "Sorry officer I don't know how fast I was going but I can tell you exactly where I am

I don't get any of these jokes dudemanbro! YEAH!

Q:What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?
A: I cant peanut butter my dick up your butt!