I need to rant, and also a bit of advice.

Life kinda sucks while at the same time is confusing as fuck.

everything was REALLY shitty, and then everything started on the upswing and things got pretty damn awesome, and now I am stuck somewhere between the 2 confused as shit with what to do.

as I have posted here before, I have pretty bad anxiety, and social anxiety issues and I was stuck in a really bad rut going nowhere fast. I felt lower than a snakes ball bag. about 2 years ago I decided to try and file for disability

about 4 months ago I got a denial notice for my disability, while this may seem like a bad thing as it turns out this is one of the best things that ever could have happened, it forced me to face my issues head on ( something link suggested I do a long time ago ), I am seeing a counselor, I am on some good meds, and my anxiety and social anxiety is actually fading and my life is moving in a pretty good direction.

I have not worked a "real" job in years, so my therapist suggested I go to the state vocational rehabilitation office, where they can help me to get ready for a job ( which I am pretty much ready for ) but more importantly help me find a job and place me there making it much much easier to explain to potential employers about why i have not worked in so long - things in voc rehab are going really well, too well infact.

here is where the problem, confusion, and needing advice comes in, my voc rehab counselor is.... simply amazing, she is a few years younger than me, but this lady put me right at ease from the very first meeting, and as she asked me all the questions and did my paper work we got way way off topic and went on talking about video games, and movies, and music and we pretty much have identical tastes and she totally gets where I am coming from, hell she even describes her self as a nerd, she even suggested I got and check out a small cafe where she hangs out at sometimes. I have not been able to stop thinking about her for weeks.

having social anxiety I have never ever been able to talk to women like at all, ive only had a handful of dates ever, never a serious relationship, and this girl just puts me at ease, I really want to tell her what I think and ask her on a date - and thats a first for me - however, with her being my voc rehab counselor , and them being massively over worked I would not be able to get my case transferred to another worker, I would most likely have to drop out of the program to pursue pretty much anything with her, even a friendship.

I am so lost with no idea what to do, stick with the program, get a job and move on in that direction but miss what I feel is a real opportunity with this girl, or ask her out and leave the program thus making it that much harder if not impossible to find a job, but possibly for the first time ever having a shot at something with someone I can totally connect with.

so that is my rant and my dilemma , sorry if shit got too deep, just needed to get that off my chest somewhere .

Focus on yourself first, get your head straight, get your shit in gear and move forward with your life before you entertain the thought of bringing anybody else in to it.

You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life so best to make sure you are good with that.

I'm not saying don't have any relationships, just keep anything with anyone at a level that if it doesn't work it won't wreck your gourd and put you two steps behind square one.

Once you are good with yourself, then start wading in to the deeper interpersonal relationships. Because unless you are satisfied with yourself, women will know and leave when they realize that they are dating someone with more issues then themselves (unless they are florence fucking nightingale, then your good).

While it may not seem like it, women come and go. It may not seem like it, and it may seem like this is the one but I'm a believer in there being more than "the one" for everyone. Especially if this is the first one in a long time (ever?) it's best to not go hog shit crazy. If it's been a long time for any relationships, let alone a female one, the flood of emotions you are feeling may be the result of your isolationist lifestyle.

Long story short, take care of number one first. The rest will work itself out.

Seems like a very touchy situation.

I think you need to sort out your priorities. If this program is really going to help you land an awesome job then you should maintain a professional relationship with the staff. However if in a couple months you are working and no longer are in need of job assistance then ask her out.

Absolutely. Honestly, Jeff just made this decision a lot simpler for you. Hope it works out.

yea, I pretty much was thinking the same things LBJ said, its just that a cute, nerdy , gamer girl must be a pretty rare find, but I do agree if I am not "in the right place" it will end poorly regardless of which option I choose, so I guess the choices boil down to a win win or a win for a while and lose hard later.

reading LBJs post really does help make it easier, even if I was already leaning that way, it just helps to see someone else come out and basically say "don't be a dumb ass, you know what you gotta do". it really would be a shame to make the wrong choice and undo all the good I have done trying to rush into something I am perhaps not ready for yet.

maybe I will try and pursue a friendship with her a few months from now once I am placed in a job and see what shakes out down the road.

They aren't. It's no longer a rare thing to find chicks who dig VG's. It used to be true but video games are a $74 billion dollar a year industry, it's not like all that money is coming from neck beards and parents. Chicks play games now, too.

Besides all that jazz, falling for a girl because she's a nerdy, gamer girl is a bad idea. At that point you are basically fetishizing her - you are falling for her because of what she represents - you're idea of a perfect girl, rather than who she actually is. And that just has bad news written all over it. You'll get fixated on that one aspect of her personality and she'll get pissed because you won't diversify your interest in her.

Chicks HATE that shit. Most do anyways. There can be those few exceptions that all they do is drink Dew and game all day but that's an exception even for guys. Most people are NOT that person.

Back to the original point, get yourself straight. Go for a girl because you get to know her and find out about her, rather than falling for her before you know her.

I absolutely agree with you 110%, I feel I might have misrepresented the situation a bit in my last post however.

its not just that she is a gamer girl, we have met 3 or 4 times now, and every time we end up going off talking about random stuff more than taking care of the business I am there for, as I said its not just that she is a gamer, but we have near identical tastes in A LOT of stuff, 3 of my 4 favorite movies are her favorites, she absolutely loves star wars, dawn of the dead, and die hard we like the same music, the same games, the same TV shows, she even has similar hobbies as me as she loves the outdoors & hunting / fishing and I am an avid (shore)fisherman , and we just seem to click and really get along well.

but all that said, I absolutely agree now is in all likely hood not the best time to pursue a relationship, I really need to take care of my self and get my self in order before i can think about taking care of someone else - the more I think about it the more I know your right, and also realize perhaps the best course of action is to try and be her friend, it would probably be far more beneficial at this point in my life to have a really solid friend who knows what I am going through than a relationship that is in almost certainly doomed to failure.

also thanks for your replies, they actually are very helpful to me believe it or not.