I need to rant, and also a bit of advice.
Life kinda sucks while at the same time is confusing as fuck.
everything was REALLY shitty, and then everything started on the upswing and things got pretty damn awesome, and now I am stuck somewhere between the 2 confused as shit with what to do.
as I have posted here before, I have pretty bad anxiety, and social anxiety issues and I was stuck in a really bad rut going nowhere fast. I felt lower than a snakes ball bag. about 2 years ago I decided to try and file for disability
about 4 months ago I got a denial notice for my disability, while this may seem like a bad thing as it turns out this is one of the best things that ever could have happened, it forced me to face my issues head on ( something link suggested I do a long time ago ), I am seeing a counselor, I am on some good meds, and my anxiety and social anxiety is actually fading and my life is moving in a pretty good direction.
I have not worked a "real" job in years, so my therapist suggested I go to the state vocational rehabilitation office, where they can help me to get ready for a job ( which I am pretty much ready for ) but more importantly help me find a job and place me there making it much much easier to explain to potential employers about why i have not worked in so long - things in voc rehab are going really well, too well infact.
here is where the problem, confusion, and needing advice comes in, my voc rehab counselor is.... simply amazing, she is a few years younger than me, but this lady put me right at ease from the very first meeting, and as she asked me all the questions and did my paper work we got way way off topic and went on talking about video games, and movies, and music and we pretty much have identical tastes and she totally gets where I am coming from, hell she even describes her self as a nerd, she even suggested I got and check out a small cafe where she hangs out at sometimes. I have not been able to stop thinking about her for weeks.
having social anxiety I have never ever been able to talk to women like at all, ive only had a handful of dates ever, never a serious relationship, and this girl just puts me at ease, I really want to tell her what I think and ask her on a date - and thats a first for me - however, with her being my voc rehab counselor , and them being massively over worked I would not be able to get my case transferred to another worker, I would most likely have to drop out of the program to pursue pretty much anything with her, even a friendship.
I am so lost with no idea what to do, stick with the program, get a job and move on in that direction but miss what I feel is a real opportunity with this girl, or ask her out and leave the program thus making it that much harder if not impossible to find a job, but possibly for the first time ever having a shot at something with someone I can totally connect with.
so that is my rant and my dilemma , sorry if shit got too deep, just needed to get that off my chest somewhere .